Remembering Life at 5

Today is October 11th; the day before my sister Brenda and my anniversary of our car accident. I don't remember much from being 5; but for some reason, I have a pretty good memory of the car accident. I remember I was turned around and kneeling on the floor and using the front seat to color. I was talking to Brenda and telling her about school and a joke I had heard. I don't remember the exact moment of impact (which I am grateful for). But I do remember waking up and the dashboard was over me and I couldn't move. I had very little space to look around, but I noticed that Brenda was no longer in the car. I tried to look around for her, but again, I couldn't move.
I don't remember crying at all during this time; I just kept wondering if anyone realized I was in the car. A few minutes passed and I could hear a siren and several voices, still, no one seemed to know I was still their. At this point I was attempting to get my hand up to the window in hopes that someone would see it. I guess Brenda was already in the ambulance at this point, she was pretty bad off (though I never saw her until later). She once told me that she had told the paramedics that I was still in the car, so I'm sure they told someone else.
About 5 minutes passed, and I heard a male voice very near the car "Oh my God, we have a child in here, hurry get the door off."
At that point I was becoming a little unconscious again, but fought to stay awake because I was scared, but still never cried which worried everyone for some odd reason lol. I watched as they cut the door off, and can remember the face of the firefighter who stayed close to my head and talked to me to keep me calm. He was an older man, but he seemed very happy, he had laugh lines. I watched as they cut the dashboard away so they could pull me out. They handed me off to an older woman who had pulled over to help. She told me her name (but I can't remember it) and told me she was a nurse. She sat me on her coat on the side of the road, and about 3 other women surrounded me and covered me with their coats because I had said I was cold.
I kept feeling something running down my leg and it hurt. I was trying to look at it, and the lady who was a nurse said it was probably better if I didn't look at it. But me being the stubborn person that I am insisted on it. So I picked up my leg to see a large gash.
I looked up at the 4 very nice women who were doing everything they could to keep me calm and asked where my family was. They told me that my sister had gone on ahead in an ambulance, and that my parents had been contacted and were trying to find a ride to the hospital. They were trapped in Mexico, Missouri where their car had broken down and that is where Brenda and I were headed.
Finally 2 paramedics came over with a stretcher and loaded me onto it, and I thanked the nurse. I was loaded into the ambulance, where I didn't want to lay down. I tried and tried to sit up and see if I could find my sister (I had just understood that she was in an ambulance, but didn't understand which one). The paramedic was a very pretty blonde lady who must have been in her early 20's at the time. She showed me pictures of her kids, and gave me a some stickers, anything in an attempt to keep me laying down.
We finally arrive at the hospital, and my parents are their. My dad sat in the room with me while my mom was with Brenda. My dad held me while they stitched up the back of my leg and checked the rest of me out. Then my parents switched rooms and my mom sat with me for a little while. When I was done with the doctor, I remember Uncle Jim Tomlinson coming to pick me up at the hospital. That way both my parents could stay with Brenda because her hip had been crushed and needed immediate attention. He took me out to eat and then took me home and sat with me and my siblings for awhile.
I don't remember much else about that year, except Brenda stayed in the hospital for what seemed like an eternity. That year, somehow, my mom managed to make my Halloween costume. I went as a princess and trick or treated around the hospital so Brenda and the nurses could see me. I remember hating going back to school and cried every day after that when I went. I had a horrible teacher that year that didn't seem to really understand or care. But luckily I had a good principal who sat with me until I calmed down.
Every year since, Brenda and I have celebrated life, we both could have easily been lost that day. My dad had gone to see the car after the accident, and a few years ago told me that the entire front end had been ripped off and it was amazing that we weren't worse off. So I ask you, what have you done to celebrate lately? Have you told those close to you that you love them today? If not, go hug them and let them know. Take life a little slower, everyone is in such a hurry...we hurry so much that we miss out.

I'm keeping the Hospital in Buisness

So I went to see a urologist this week because I've had this UTI for over a month. I ended up getting a catheter...YUCK and OUCH! I guess the good thing that came out of it is my doctor had a very sexy voice. Let's see, since I last posted, I got a puppy. Which most of you know. His name is Jasper and he is a puggle, pug beagle mix. He is cute, but VERY VERY active. I guess that is normal for any puppy though. Anyway, I really feel like I don't have much to report right now except those two things. Just trying to get by until December when I can have my surgery and find out more. Love ya'll.

Life's Lessons

It's funny how in life we can learn so much in the most unexpected ways or places. I've learned that life can change in the blink of an eye, it moves fast so we need to make the most of the time we have. We aren't always going to get what we want, but the things we do get make us better; whether they are good or bad. Sometimes people hurt you, and you have your choices on this. You can choose to let what they say or do truly affect you, or you can simply walk away. The 2nd part is the hardest, but once we learn this wonderful trait, life will be so much more simple.

You will get your heart broken at some point, you will also break someone's heart. Just remember to be as kind as possible and remember how you felt when it happened. Sometimes we aren't given choices, we just have to roll with the punches. Sometimes the choices we are given just plain suck, we need to choose the better of the two evils. Everyone needs a friend. Love doesn't come freely, everyone pays a price. Learn to notice the little things in life. Everyone should watch at least one sunset and sunrise in their lifetime. Carry a camera with you, you never know when you will want to remember something.

Dance like no one is watching. Travel to somewhere you've never been. Love like you have nothing to lose. Learn as much as possible about all the things you can. Open Up. Repeat as needed, but not particularly in this order.

Get Lost so you can find your way back. Go home, it doesn't matter if your are 15 or 95. Be generous, doesn't matter if you have everything or nothing at all. Discover your past, it can be the best part of your future, but don't dwell on it. Love your family, they did the best they knew how to do. Don't blame them for all the crap in your life. Let the people who are important in your life know it. Most importantly, love yourself, sometimes we are our harshest critics.

The Things That Make Me

Things you may not have known about me, but now you will!!! Scary huh! So here goes! I listen to classical music during thunder storms for a better effect. I like to stop and smell the roses. I hate my hair longer than my shoulders, I think its harder to take care of. When it comes to pain, I'm a big baby. I love to wander off and explore. Bookstores are my weakness. You can generally tell my mood by what music I'm listening to. I love being around people and having people's attention, but when it comes to giving talks and speeches I am noticeably nervous. I HATED junior high. I'm a flirt, if you haven't noticed. I think it's funny to embarrass my parents. When I'm an old lady, I want to be the old dog lady that has bright red hair and goes to Bingo every Thursday with my bag of rabbits feet and lucky ducks. I'm a daydreamer to a fault. I think the general public is full of morons and idiots. I'm afraid to get to close to people, my fear of rejection gets the best of me. I look up to my siblings. I love having my hair played with, I find it relaxing. I'm afraid of failure. I do everything I know how to succeed. I read to much into things that I shouldn't. I hate being dependent on people. My favorite scene in the world is at River View Park in Hannibal overlooking the river.

6 Months and Waiting

News from the doctors appointment in Columbia: Dr. Hunter seems to believe I need a hysterectomy and soon. I was giving pretty much two options, one have a hysterectomy now and not worry about the things to come. Two, take a hormone pill for 6 months, have another DC and biopsy surgery to see what the cells are doing. There are major risks with either choice, the hysterectomy we know the risks and the outcome of not having kids...but I won't have to worry about cancer. The risks of the medicine is that it curves my appetite and will probably make me gain weight, also I have a 30-50% chance of the pre cancer cells forming into cancer. Those are high numbers but what I keep thinking is "So I get cancer, but when? Do I have a few months..few years...a decade?" There is no time limit as to when or if the cancer will form. Is it worth it to risk it and see? Seems like I am just choosing the lesser of two evils right now, I told the doctor I wanted the meds. 6 months is 6 months, no sense in making such a drastic choice right now, right?