It has been awhile since I've done anything with the blog, sorry folks. As so many of you know I have been dealing with some medical issues that have been not just a physical struggle, but a pretty big emotional struggle. 6 years ago my doctors did a biopsy on my uterus and found several pre cancer cells that were threatening to form into cancer. They removed the cysts and cells and put me on hormone treatments to prevent it from coming back. The medicine worked for awhile and then the cells started forming yet again. So we re did the biopsy and took the cysts and cells out yet again and then went back to the drawing board with the hormone treatments. As of right now things seem to be in the clear, I go to see my oncologist next week to see what she thinks. I will have to always worry about this popping back up. Last time I saw Dr. Crowder (my oncologist) we talked about how I would probably never conceive children. I had never given a family much thought up until that point; but when she told me this, it felt like a part of me had been taken away or as if I am broken somehow. I struggle everyday not to harbor harsh feelings towards myself or my Heavenly Father....but a lot of times I fall short and I find myself trying to lay blame somewhere. Last week I had to run to the store to find some things for a dear friends babyshower, while in the store I found myself looking at the baby items and then across the aisle was the discount Valentine candy. Needless to say I started crying like an idiot. Why do we have to feel these emotions, ugh I hate emotions!! So that is where I am with the health issues, most days I am just fine and then there are a few days where I wonder if I am doing the right thing, or if I should just give into the pre cancer and see what happens...maybe a hysterectomy is the answer; but those thoughts I try to push aside and just try to find my mustard seed of faith in my doctors and in my Heavenly Father. How how something as small as a mustard seed can seem as big as a mountain.
So on ABCFamily there is a new TV show called Huge. It's about these kids at Fat Camp, it is fictional and hysterical! I think I find it funny because I can relate to it. I've been trying hard lately to work out at night after work, motivation lacking. Anyway, will post more later.
So, with the dreaded Valentines Day rapidly approaching, here I sit in spinsterhood. Normally my best friend Andrea and I make fun of it and spend that day with each other watching movies and we refer to it as S.A.A.D (Single Adult Awareness Day). I don't really care if I have a guy or not, but I miss Andrea. She is in Idaho this year, so we won't be able to spend it together. But I got to thinking about my expectations in any guy I date; maybe my being single is my own fault. So I've compiled a list and here it goes: 1. Makes me laugh (OUCH MY SIDES HURT! LOL) 2. Can grow to love me unconditionally (Oh Ret, Where will I go, what will I do?) 3. Listens to me when I'm talking as if what I'm saying is important...even when it isn't. (Listening is a big thing for me...) 4. Adores being around me, yet adores my independence.(where did she go now?) 5. Laughs when I am trying to be corny (what is this crazy chick doing now?) 6. Can be serious with me and have in depth conversations (I wish more people tried to do this.) 7. Encourages me to be a better person (Get up soldier NOW NOW NOW!) 8. Doesn't have to be romantic, in fact I don't expect it but does something nice often....this may not make sense Sorry(Here's a flower, now make me dinner) 9. Talks to me as if I'm his best friend (meaning trusts me with the things he would share with his best friend) 10. Is competent (Pick up after yourself do I look like your mother?) 11. Educated (Yes Dr....your wife is lovely) 12. Can hold down a decent job (Would you like fries with that?....NO) 13. Loves my family (In all our craziness) 14. If you are 30, been divorced twice, living at home with mom and dad....I'm not even going to give you the time of day.
There are many more things...but this is a general list. Let me know what you all think.